Sometimes saying nothing is good for the soul…

So, I disappeared for a while. My family and I had gone through a rough patch and while I was battling my demons, I just didn’t have anything to say. Really though, I just didn’t WANT to say anything.

In my previous posts, I have said that it is good to talk about things, get the help you need from wherever you can. I still wholeheartedly believe in that, I do however, also recognize a little thing called pride. And as open as I would like to be with people, there are somethings that I just can’t bring myself to share. That knowledge made me feel pretty shitty. I was asking myself, who was I to write about anything when I wasn’t being honest about my feelings?

What I then had to come to realize was I needed to figure out WHAT feelings I was in fact having and what I was going to do about them. I found that everything that I was feeling about our situation as a family was just a page in our story. No doubt was it hard to get through at the time but we made it out alive. I also had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes saying nothing is good for you. Talking out your feelings all the time, I recognized for myself, didn’t allow ME the time to gather a plan. Some people thrive on having lots of people around, others like myself, need a little space to gather themselves, and I think that what I did.

I am still in school pursuing my degree in Psychology, but I have decided how far I want to take it, to my Masters to become a doctor. Maybe by the time I am done I will be of the age where someone will take me seriously as a doctor, so I can skip the part where they ask me how long I have been doing it… We shall see. With that decision we have made choices on our living situation, childrens school choices and even my job choice so that it better suits our end goal of being a successful family.

Last year, my heart was heavy with doubts and sadness not knowing what to do or if the choices we were making were the right ones. But, now the choices have been made, discussions have been had and the only thing we have left to do is see it though. I have every bit of confidence that I can do what I have set my mind on and so far I have gotten A’s in all my classes. I want to be able to help people in any way I can, where I once was able to feed them, now I wish to soothe them, if they let me.

When I started looking into this degree, I had wanted to help children. I still do, but I had a conversation with my husband the other day that made me feel like there was a calling for me elsewhere other than working with kids. So, who knows where this new path will take me. Aside from all that I have decided to write again. So, fall down the rabbit hole with me again. I’ll be adding a few new sections and taking some down. I hope you like it all… And remember, in wonderland we’re all mad here.


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