So, I took this past month off. I took some time for myself. Well, not all the time was for myself, but there was some time where I just, was. The month began with my kids getting sick. One. At. A. Time. For any parent that is just a death curse placed upon you by your greatest enemy and will not be wished upon by any other. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE… Then I got sick. For a stay at home mom, there are no sick days, not time off requests, no calling out, no nothings. We just gotta take as much medicine as possible, use all the Lysol wipes in the house, get the Vicks tissues, and pray that no one gets sick again. But oh no, I am just not that lucky. Then my husband gets sick. Not just a cold sick either, in the hospital sick.
Well, fuck me. Here I am, injured arm, two kids, sick husband in the hospital and I just… cant. Now, ever since I hurt my arm I can safely say that, yes I have been sad. But not to an extent that I felt overwhelmed by it. I could handle my feelings. Properly place them and adjust. My parents raised me and my siblings to be strong and rise up against adversity. To never let it define you. Then I had my son, and I can say that a bit more of sadness crept in because I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn’t physically ready to have another child due to my arm. Again, I rise against a challenge and this was my baby we are talking about not some asshole or evil deed done to me.
But one day, I cant really remember which one, I just realized, something is not right. I’m not right. So, then I thought about it. What IS wrong? I felt anxious, my emotions were at extremes sometimes, I was sad. That was the biggest thing. I am NOT a sad person. I don’t want to be sad anymore. So, I went to the doctor and discussed what I could do to feel better. I took control of my life again and didn’t just keep pushing through the sadness.
Which brings me to my point. We all feel like we have to be something. Coming from my family and from my culinary background I have been molded to keep going, keep pushing. But sometimes that is not the best thing. That’s not the thing that you need. That doesn’t make you weak or dumb. It shows strength inside of you that you can recognize when you need to take a step back and say, “this is my limit”. So many of us think we have to push beyond the limit. To be so much better than the other guy next to us, but that guy is gonna give himself a heart attack or an ulcer because he had to be such a badass. Yes, work hard, earn your keep, but not at the expense of your health. Its what we have to keep us going in this world. To make a life, to see our kids grow, to see our kids have babies, to accomplish our dreams. Don’t ever think that saying, something is wrong is a bad thing. People are there to help. Family is there. Friends are there. All you have to do is say something. From what I have experienced too, it’s our imperfections that make those close to us love us more.
So, sorry for disappearing, but I took the time I needed for me and for my family. Take the time you may need for you. Stay strong and as always, have very merry un-birthday to you.
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